Recently
for a school assignment I was given a book about computers
and told to look up some rules for netiquette and write
them, this would ensure that I had learned something. Needless
to say I never even opened the book. And needless to say
I got an A on the assignment. I just thought I'd share with
everyone what exactly the rules of Netiquette are.
Rule
#1 - Remember The Human
This rule is meaningless and supercedes most of the other
rules on this list. It's basically saying don't piss people
off. 90% of the rules in netiquette say the exact same thing
in a different wording. Sounds like we're off to an educational
start.
Rule
#2 - Adhere to the same standards you would in real life.
Quick as can be my point is proven. If you deem it as something
offensive maybe you shouldn't say it. Or if you're someone
from B*B you probably say it anyway because you're a senseless
asshole.
Rule
#3 - Know where you are in cyberspace.
It's good to know where you are, if you don't know where
you are how would you know you're not somewhere bad?
Rule
#4 - Respect other people's time and bandwidth
Don't waste people's time. How would you like it if someone
came into your house and told you what's what? You wouldn't
like that much at all. That's why the second amendment is
so important.
Rule
#5 - Make yourself look good online.
Lying never hurt anyone. Tell people you are a famous doctor
or movie star. Embellish the fact that you have a social
life even if you don't. After all nobody will ever figure
out the pictures of yourself you keep posting on messages
boards has a Calvin Klein logo in the bottom corner.
Rule
#6 - Share expert knowledge.
It's not anyone's fault that they were born stupid. If you
are smart, help the inferior. Make sure to constantly remind
them that you are great and that if you desired you (being
a famous movie star or executive) could crush their small
dreams like so many ants on a sidewalk.
Rule
#7 - Help keep flame wars under control.
If there is a fire, find the nearest extinguisher, aim at
the bottom of the flames so that they are sure to go out.
If you catch on fire accidentally, stop, drop, and roll.
Rule
#8 - Respect other people's privacy.
Don't be snoopy. Nobody likes the guy who wants in on everyone's
business. Just shut up and let people walk on you or one
day you might be the guy who lurks outside people's houses
with a bottle of vaseline and a baseball bat.
Rule
#9 - Don't abuse your power.
If holy spirits abused their power whenever they liked we'd
all be dead. And nobody wants to be dead. So set an example
for evil spirits and goblins by not abusing your power.
Rule
#10 - Be forgiving of other people's mistakes.
Everyone messes up. Always forgive and forget, just remember
you can blackmail people in the future so save up your material.
See,
netiquette is simple. It's times like this I wish my teachers
would actually correct my work instead of assuming I'm not
some wise-ass bastard. Oh well either way at least some
of you know how to act on the internet.
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