My next door neighbors had their car taken the other day. This alarming development has provoked me to write this article. Hopefully this will help you to not make the same mistakes they did. So follow these simple steps and your car will stay in your garage rather than in millions of pieces in a pawn shop.

Step 1: Buy A Shitter

The car that was taken just happened to be a very nice bright red sport car. This was the kind of car that people buy to show how they like spending money on things they'll never get to use to it's fullest extent. Going 25 MPH in a residential area was probably this cars biggest job, wow kids, it guzzles gas and we can't even speed in it.

It's really simple, if you don't want the car there's a very good chance thieves won't either. So buy something crappy, find a used car that the owner is dying to sell, if it runs and gets you to your job then consider it a good investment.

Step 2: Close Your Front Door

Yeah when you hear that my neighbors car got taken from their garage, you think man someone had to think up an elaborate way to break into that garage, but no they had a much simpler way. They walked through the front door and into the garage.

I could feel bad for someone for getting robbed after someone broke into their house, but this guy just walked in, if I was him I would've grabbed some stuff on my way to the garage, even if it was useless, I'd take a can of tuna fish if I saw it on the way, because then haha I have their Tuna fish and they don't, see how well the family fares without their "chicken" of the sea.

Step 3: Set Up An Elaborate Trap To Catch Criminals

If there is one thing Home Alone taught us, it is that setting up elaborate traps for criminals is a good idea. This can be a tough place to start blankly from, you have to have ideas.

Got a swimming pool? Toss a toaster in it and wait for an unsuspecting burgaler to take a dip. Got a doorknob? Cover it in Vaseline, friends and enemies alike are bound to enjoy their hand slipping all over that crazy knob. Now you're not only the life of a party but you've managed to keep your car where it belongs, in your house.

So in closing, we've had a lot of fun today, but car theft is no laughing matter, for god's sake close your doors when you're done using them, and if you hear someone opening your garage door to drive your car away you should certainly go and investigate. So until we meet again, have a safe life.