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"if viewed by accident...induce vomitting"  

Dingo's Computer Adventures Dingo's Computer Adventures
By Dingo

Anyone who knows yours truly well enough to correctly guess the size of my manhood likely knows that my computer isn't the best in the world. The adventures I have on my computer sometimes cause me to fall over, legs breaking as I vomit all over the floor and wriggle in anguish. For the longest time I've wanted to take a mallet and smash the hell out of it, but of course I then would be unable to upload this beautiful article in the first place.

So, you ask yourself, what is the point of this? Why am I telling you this? How can you become full from a Taco Bell dollar menu? Let me explain all but the last one.

Everyone likes a good horror story, and it's no different here at the Brotherhood. Often times we gather around and roast bottle caps over the fire, then proceed to eat and let them adhere themselves to the inside of our stomachs until they harden. Allow me to share a horror story, and show you something nobody ever wants to see. Dingo's computer. In fact, so you can all get the very scary feel for it, check out this real footage shot in Doom 3-o-vision.

---> Right-click, Save As. <---
(DivX Codec required for playback.)


Holy crap. Did you feel the chills?! I think you get the point. This shit is ancient, and like an old dog that moans in pain and limps around all day, has been way overdue to be put down. In fact, it resembles one of those alien starships you see in the movies with the drooping cords, jutting hardware, and fleshy protrusions that bleed when the central brain is processing information.

The great part is everything this computer has withstood over the years. It can't run your average game made in 2000 for beans, but it has survived:

-Icky syrup accidents
-Being in a blizzard without its case on (I'm not even making this up)
-Being dropped on several occasions
-Having a piece of sausage from a sheet pizza laying on the sound card for 2+ years

This thing is like Rocky, just doesn't know when to stay down. The next thing that sucks so hard about my computer is its DVD-rom drive. Most of you who have one of your own probably enjoy it. Not so with mine.


There's that beaut-Whoa! What the hell? Is that a blood stain on the corner of my computer? We should take a closer look.


Let's be serious for a moment. I honestly don't know if that's a blood stain or not, but if it is, it's quite clear that this computer was used as some sort of greusome method of disposing of unwanted intruders.

In fact, on second thought, we won't dive deeper into this article because quite frankly, I'm afraid I might find someone's amputated foot or genitals inside this thing, and I have no desire to dig in and find out. Today's important lesson is that you're much better off spending your life savings on a new computer than keeping around an old one just for the sake of being cheap. By the time a few years has passed, it will have already been used as a weapon, a doorstop, a foot stool, and god-knows what else. But for now, let's pray you never have to see another blood-stained image of my computer ever again.