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How to Be Cool How to Be Cool
By Vessol
Well as most of you know I am a sophomore in Bozeman Senior High (as of 2005). I have learned many “interesting” things over the days I have been here and I thought why not give some tips to good ole fellow B*B members and freshmen (warning: any advice I give you should not follow, I am not reasonable for any deaths or injuries).

1-Being Cool:
If you want hot sexy women all over you, you have to be either
1.rich
2.have a 2-foot long dick,
3.or are cool.
Seeing as you are probably not 1 or 2(if you are you should consider a job in the porn industry) so lets focus on being cool.

This kid is cool; your goal is to be just like Timmy here so lets go through some steps to be cool like Timmy. First things first, dress cool, get baggy pants from your local skateboarding store, then get some shirts with Quiksilver or Billabong on it, even if you have no idea who they are, people will think you are cool if you wear them. Next you want to get some ridiculous expensive shoes, because you just are not cool if you don’t have wicked expensive shoes. Then get a cool loose hoody or at least a baseball cap or beanie to cover up your ugly piece of crap you call your hair.
Next you want to get some jewelry or what the cool kids call “bling”, just have a “homie” pierce your ear with a needle, maybe an eyebrow too. If it hurts and get infected, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!
Another good thing to do is try to talk like a “gangster” using words such as ‘nigga’ or ‘chill’ even thou you have no idea how to shoot a gun or how to even live in a real fight, chicks still think its cool to be a gangsta.

2-Getting girls:
It is with my nil experience with women that I will give my best advice on getting a “PHAT”(Cool kids term for Pretty Hot and Tempting) chick.
1-Don’t tell her the truth at first, tell her that you are a world-class rock climber and are going to New Zealand this summer to go into a championship. I have noticed most girls don’t like the truth, so just tell big fat lies, cause she will probably do the same.
2-Act like a pimp, even if you don’t even know what a real “pimp” is. According to common belief they are a hot guy that every girl wants to go out with, while in reality they are just cheap assholes that let prostitutes live with him if they give him a percentage of profit.

Just be like this guy and the ladies will all want to be your prostitutes. All your prostitutes belong to us! Also for those interested in the term pimp, here it is fresh from the dictionary, “n: someone who procures customers for whores”
3-If none of the above work then you have found a good girl to try to get to know. Now this paragraph is all series unlike the rest. Just be honest with each other and go slowly, don’t rush to the bedroom or a hotel. Remember, if she truly likes you and you truly like her you should go slow with the relationship and make everything work out.

3-Drugs:
All the cool kids do it! Come on why don’t you just rid your mind of all control and then set yourself on fire and run down the block!

DRUGS ARE BAD, BUT MAKE YOU COOL! GO FIGURE!
1.Doesn’t Get Caught-If you do start taking drugs to be cool try to at least hide it seeing as it’s illegal. Some good spots I have heard to hide it is.
1-Your anal
2-Your mouth (cheeks)
3-Your shoes
4-Your underwear drawer
5-A backpack full of fluffy stuffed animals and kids magazines

4-Posting on B*B
And the last thing to be cool is to post on B*B. We are the epitome of coolness; no one is cooler then we! Once you become a member of B*B (if you are not already) you will learn how to react to most people and what to do and not to do and what kind of anguish you will receive.

I would like to thank the good old folks at B*B for supporting me and my craziness and also Dingo for giving this great comment
“A How to be Cool guide by Vessol is like a How to get Laid guide by Bill Gates”- Dingo