Barbie could do anything with style. It didn't matter whether the double d-cupped gal was rummaging through the local dump with a bunch of hobos or sleeping in a garbage can at night, nothing could smudge the star's looks. And so all children girl or the occasional boy, began to strive to become like Barbie.

Fast forward to today, Barbie has weeded her way into nearly every aspect of society, Barbie Lunch pails and Video Games inhabit nearly every store. She has ravaged the local mall in the same way an Ill Tempered German Shepherd would ravage small and unprotected orphans.

How I came into contact with a Barbie video game is still a mystery to me, after several straight nights of binge drinking I merely awoke with a cd labeled"FBI Cover ups" which just turned out to be the new Justin Timberlake CD, and a Barbie video game in my Playstation. While this leads me to wonder what my activities for those previous days were even my seemingly missing kidney seemed less important than playing this Barbie video game.

So, it seems a shame to play through a game and not give it a fair review. While I can't remember the title of said game I'm quite sure it involved treasure. One would expect a game about a woman with a large chest and a high school diploma to be about finding a rich husband or baking cookies for the local PTA, but those people are dead wrong. It seems that Barbie has been attending night school or something and has obtained a rather Indiana Jones-esque knowledge of artifacts and other worthless trinkets. Once restricted to hair accessories Barbie is now a full fledged Archeologist after some whacky golden idol.

One thing noticeable from the start is the games attempt to set a story. After an introductory movie straight from Raiders Of The Lost Ark that made very little sense I was still gratified by the fact that the developers were trying to give Barbie a clear reason to be running around looting ancient corpses.

*Fun Fact* This game contains no actual corpses, not even Barbie's.

As per the fun fact it should be noted that Barbie is not capable of dying. When running up a hill with logs and mysterious animals rolling down towards you, you would expect the average person to die, yes Barbie prevails. No matter how many times I mercilessly threw Barbie from a cliff she simply reappeared ready to take more punishment. I also noted that Barbie is not capable of walking on grass, it would seem to the average person that if logs are rolling down a path towards you, you could always step onto the grass and walk around the path, but that's not how Barbie does things, the grass must be made of tiny snakes, or even worse Goblins. I hate Goblin Grass very much.

Another notable item is the extreme variety in the game. If Barbie is not running up a hill in the forest with logs rolling towards her, she is no doubt running up a snowy hill on a mountain with a yeti hurling snow balls at her.

Sadly I never found out what Barbie hoped to accomplish by running straight at a Yeti, perhaps she planned to share some malt liquor with him and trade stories, or maybe get her head torn off and eaten. Either way it was at this point that the Playstation malfunctioned and exploded ejecting hot metal into my eyes. This severe burning/blinding was still a pleasure to my eyes when compared to watching Barbie flex her ample buttocks while dodging gnomes rolling towards her.