So, everyone is making money, probably everyone except you. Now clearly you are now wondering "Why am I so poor and lame?", well my friend it is because you are simply not involved enough in the technological world that is advertising. Advertising is such a simple premise, any old moron can get on TV and surf while drinking cola and playing an electric guitar with their feet. And crap like that sells.

However in order to understand how to create a successful commercial, you must first study pre-made commercials.

Example 1: Baby Who Needs Diapers

Babies are troublesome little scamps, but when they're not pulling pots of boiling hot water off the stove and onto their sensitive skin, they are no doubt wetting themselves. It is estimated that babies wet themselves often, the actual numbers are so astronomical that NASA would break down and cry if asked to configure it. So of course, it is up to you, to find the most absorbant diaper out there. Commercials lead us to believe that you can discover this by dumping blue water on the diaper. Blue water always solves problems, and commercials prove it. Forget taping Bounty paper towels to your childs groin, diapers are in town.

Example 2: McDonalds = Fun + Food Borne Illness

Fast food commercials are never accurate. How often have you seen the food look the way it does on TV? How often have you seen families sitting together smiling like complete idiots. You haven't and you never will. But as said before, IT SELLS. If you pretend to be happy on TV you will have so much money you will need to buy a new house to hold it all in, and when you play loud music and the police come you can just open the window and the cops bribe money will just fall onto them. Think of their smiling faces as money falls onto them from above.

Example 3: Women And Painful Feminine Itch

In the world of painful feminine itch, beaches are always involved, painful burning must have something to do with beaches because everyone's walkin on a beach these days. Thus beaches apparently cause or cure burning in the netheregions. This commercial format can also be used for Menopause, Dating Services, and Tire Rotation Kits. Simply replace "You feel pain." to "You feel impotent and cramped." or "You feel like you need your tires rotated fast."

Example 4: Cars

Car commercials are also rampant in todays society. The commercials always show people happier than you are. Driving past other crappy cars that fall apart and laughing and throwing tomatoes at the owner of the crappy car. Everyone is happier than you and no-one is contemplating suicide.

Example 5: Girls Gone Wild

They're girls, and they've gone wild. Here's a wild sorority party that you can watch, and never be a part of. Fortunately the commercials trick you into thinking you can be popular, with clever grab words like "awesome, bodacious, and orgy-tastic. (which may or may not be a real word)"